i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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