my phone needs a breathalizer
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
