this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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