obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
