if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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