I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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