Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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