I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
