there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
