i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He felt like a one man threesome
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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