it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
