Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
