Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The struggles of a small town man whore
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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