She said her name was "party"
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
