I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
