How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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