I cockslap morals
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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