There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Dear god my vagina.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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