I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Oh god it's open bar.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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