My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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