I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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