i barfeds in our rink
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
