Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
