she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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