i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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