We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
