I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
