Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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