Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its liver damage thursday
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
