I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
