I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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