She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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