I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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