Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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