Who did Billy Mays play for?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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