I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
