I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
