if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
