I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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