Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
