I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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