am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
