Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
