piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
