There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
