Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
