I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
