Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I canβt tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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