Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
