I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
