piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
